Cowart's Common Room
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Hi ya all. Some of you were asking about me, so wanted to say howdy. It has been real quiet round here, since the Taylors all shipped out - mostly directly after the funeral - the entire clan sans Ma & Pa decided to go for a Thai on the night of the funeral - and could I ring up and book for 12 of them? And Mum & Dad are tired, so you can just stay here with them, ok? {sure whatever} Jeremy (brother) astounded me by removing some childrens books from my library with the words "I'm taking these. They were mine not Richard's. They must have got muddled up with his things. Matthew will enjoy them." I wonder why my sweet husband took the trouble to bring them to our various homes, and put them on our shelves if they were not his. Hmmmm.

Ma & Pa left first thing Wed morning, and haven't heard since. His nice sister Melissa rang me today and we chatted for over an hour, which was nice, and we have arranged for me to come down in June for a few days - and her husband Mark and I will go to the National Field Days (HUGE Ag show).

My friends and neighbours are a whole different ball game however. Beth came for another visit on Thursday and is coming again tomorrow to help me try and sort my computer and accounting programme out. Renae rang and is going to come over after Christmas for a BBQ with her husband David. I went for coffee at my neighbours, Mandy, and her husband told me in no uncertain terms not even to consider leasing out the farm again - he will do all the jobs I can't manage ad infinitum. She and I are going to the Carol service tonight at the little Pioneer church up the road. I went to Rosemary's for dinner on Friday, and had tea with her yesterday, and helped her feed her huge flock of poultry and peathings.

Not jumping for joy over the prospect of Christmas but will go to St John's in the morning (where the funeral was) and have decided to do a simple Christmas dinner (late lunch) for Dad & I after all. I know Mandy's parents, Bruce and Doreen are having a bbq on Christmas night, so might wander up later.

And there you have it. Much thought on my situation - financial woes - not entitled to widows benefit - so have blogged about it a bit to ask some advice from all you good people.

Picking up Richie's ashes on Tuesday. Will be good, to have him back here for Christmas.... thinking New Years Day will be an appropriate day to do the scattering, as my darling wanted, under Oliver's tree.

Posted at 21st Dec 2008 - 02:12AM   Posted by Cowgirl   Checking in... Comments: 19

Frances's Avatar Cowgirl, you once again amaze me with your ability to capture so much in your words. May I tell you that I have also once again got a few tears in my eyes?

I don't want to write more here, now, but do want to say thank you, and send you as much love and additional strength as the air can carry. xo

Posted by: Frances on 21st Dec 2008 at 02:23AM

TIGGYWINKLE's Avatar Dear Sam, It is so good to hear from you. You are on my mind all the time. In-Laws can be such a pain, but it is great to have the love and support of good friends. I am glad to hear you are getting out, and I hope you enjoy the carol service to-night. While you need to rest after all you have been through, it is also good to keep busy. Must read your blog, and see if I could offer any advice. It is awful having to face these realities. Keep your little heart up, and I will be thinking of you on Christmas Day, and New Years day. with love and prayers, Tiggy xx

Posted by: TIGGYWINKLE on 21st Dec 2008 at 02:35AM

Camilla's Avatar Dear Sam,

Lovely to hear from you, thank you for getting in touch, we was wondering how you were, and please take comfort that you have been in our thoughts these past days.

Sorry to hear about the books Sam, perhaps your brother could return them.

Good to know you have those lovely friends and neighbours Sam, and such a great help for you I'm sure. I was worried for you about the farm Sam, and know you have the B&B to run. Brilliant news about Mandy's husband helping out and doing all the jobs on farm, this will be less stressful for you too.

Completely understand how you will be feeling this Christmas Sam, but I am so happy to know that you will not be alone and that your lovely father and friends will be there for you.

I am not familiar about the widow's benefit Sam, but cannot understand why you are not entitled to it, will pop over to your blog later Sam, thank you. Wonder if LL on the site can give you any info on this.?

I shall be be thinking of you on Tuesday Sam, as Richard is placed under Olive Tree, I believe he will be there with you every day looking out for you, hold on to the lovely memories you both have shared together.

My love and hugs to you Sam,


Posted by: Camilla on 21st Dec 2008 at 02:44AM

Hi Sam, I only found your blog in August and recently joined purple coo.
I hope you don't think me too forward, since we have only recently met, if I send you a hug from the other side of the world and ask for an angel to watch over you.
My suggestion would be, don't rush into any big decision and when you do make a decision make sure it is something you are really comfortable with.
I have lived and worked with farming and livestock for most of my life and I too have a bad back. I understand completely about the limitations of 35 acres and am so glad that your friends will help you to keep going.
Families are funny things, my dear husband will tell you that! And in my limited experience whilst in the throes of deep grief people do funny things as well, even out of character and may possibly regret them after, please try not to take these actions of the family personally.

I am not familiar with the NZ benefits system, but perhaps there will be someone who can help you work through this, even for a short time..
I will say a prayer for you and Richard at church on Christmas Day and hope you will be comforted by having him back home with you.
I send my very best wishes and purple vibes
Arcadian advocate

Posted by: Arcadian advocate on 21st Dec 2008 at 09:13AM

Faith's Avatar My sister is going through the same as you at the moment Sam, even down to family members spotting things about the house and taking/asking to have. Some people are not very sensitive.

Your local friends sound wonderful and I'm sure you will take all the help offered.

Think of you very often,

Faith x

Posted by: Faith on 21st Dec 2008 at 09:14AM

Dearest Sam, how movingly and honestly you convey your thoughts and feelings to us, your cyber family. I feel so privileged you should choose to share it with us. As for the books, they do say you can choose your friends but not your family, but your BIL will be hurting too and perhaps he felt the books were a connection with Richie and their childhood and people in the throes of grief do not always act in the most diplomatic or sensitive manner.
Wishing you every strength in the forthcoming weeks.
Lots of love

Posted by: @themill on 21st Dec 2008 at 09:19AM

Preseli Mags's Avatar Good to hear from you Sam. I'm also glad to hear that you have such lovely and supportive friends and neighbours. Very best wishes. xx Mags.

Posted by: Preseli Mags on 21st Dec 2008 at 09:59AM

Withy Brook's Avatar Dear Sam, I prayed for you in Church thismorning - as I do often at home.
I agree about the odd, unsensitive things some people do when in deep grief, but you know them better and maybe they were acting in character? I hope not.
I shall think of you on New Year's Day when you scatter the ashes under Oliver's tree and glad you will have your darling with over Christmas.
You are such a brave girl - I do so hope that you are letting your grief out. Shall pm you about that.
All my love

Posted by: Withy Brook on 21st Dec 2008 at 12:02PM

KittyB's Avatar Lovely to hear from you, like all the others I was thinking of you, wondering how you were getting on after the funeral, hoping you were being supported by friends and family. Your friends sound worth their weight in gold - lots of practical help and advice there. xx

Posted by: KittyB on 21st Dec 2008 at 12:11PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Aw Sam - big hug to you . . . you can choose your friends, but not your family - although you got Richard's family through choosing him.

One day at a time. Have you thought of going to see a financial adviser to talk you through this and to help you find the best way forward for you.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Dec 2008 at 12:59PM

Fennie's Avatar Hallo Sam, Much has been said above. Just want to send you my very best wishes. We are all here for you whenever you feel the need. Love Fenniexx

Posted by: Fennie on 21st Dec 2008 at 01:44PM

Sam, Thank you for remembering all of us at a time when you certainly have every right to want to withdraw. It is nice to hear how you are doing even though we know times are so hard for you.

I mentioned it somewhere else on here but wanted to say to you again that I'm told that the angels are the closest to us at Christmas than any other time of the year. I know that Richard will be able to watch over you through your first Christmas apart and that his presence will make a difference to you.


Posted by: Crucifix on 21st Dec 2008 at 06:27PM

Lampworkbeader's Avatar Sam, my thoughts are with you, love lampie

Posted by: Lampworkbeader on 21st Dec 2008 at 06:41PM

Arosebyanyothername's Avatar It's good to hear that you are being strong and positive despite your family. I am glad to know that you have good friends in your time of need. We are here too and you can off load your feelings on this site whenever you like and we will support you.
Thinking of you. Rosie XX

Posted by: Arosebyanyothername on 21st Dec 2008 at 06:43PM

Ivy's Avatar It's good to hear from you and I am glad you have those lovely friends and neighbours you've got as for Richie's family... I have no words...
Glad you have your dad around to support you morally. What is Oliver's tree though.? You are so lucky you can scatter his ashes where he chose them to be. Here it's prohibited but I am not sure how many empty urns there are in the cemeteries.. Confused

Posted by: Ivy on 21st Dec 2008 at 07:29PM

Cait's Avatar It is good to hear from you Sam, you have been in my thoughts. We Purplecooers are always here for you whenever you need to offload your feelngs or just need a chat or advice.
People do behave strangely when they are bereaved, everyone is different I feel.
Your strength is still shining and I am so pleased that you have such good friends who are helping you in so many ways.
I hope you get your financial situation sorted soon so that will put your mind at rest on that score, unfortunately our system in the UK is different to yours I guess. Perhaps someone over there can give you advice?
Love Caitx

Posted by: Cait on 21st Dec 2008 at 10:32PM

Hi sam they've all said it all before me and far better but maybe @themill is right about his brother, hurtful though love.
I've been meaning to ask but didnt want to just in case, but do you still have josh ?? Im still in the library so i'l pop back tomorrow xx

Posted by: Bodran on 22nd Dec 2008 at 11:45AM

Bradan's Avatar It's lovely to hear from you Sam, you have been very much on my mind. I am so glad you have such good friends to help and support you. Love and hugs. xx

Posted by: Bradan on 22nd Dec 2008 at 08:15PM

It's great to hear from you. Please try to keep the lease on your farm going strong, and don't be afraid to take up the offer of help from your neighbour.

Christmas and New Years Eve will be a nightmare for you, but they are only 'days' like any other, in reality, and you will get through them. I'm glad you've got your Dadwith you.

Sue xxx

Posted by: Sueatkilmeedy on 22nd Dec 2008 at 10:09PM

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