Cowart's Common Room
Cancel Christmas - far too dangerous!

Flipped through the paper and by heck health and safety is going bonkers.....
here we go (all in one paper on the one day):
1. Shopping Centre bans carol-singing guides......
Reporting that girl guides and brownies can't sing Christmas carols because they 'might block the escape exits'.

2. Health and safety demands sink c harity raft race. Fun race in Sussex cancelled because H&S demanded people wear 35 seagoing life jackets. Worries that spectators might 'fall in' so wanted the river fenced off. As someone said, 'All people are doing is paddling a raft down a ditch'.

3. Customs of firing muskets now 'too noisy'. Wimborne Dorset - militia no longer allowed to fire their muskets to ward off spirits from the Christmas tree because they might scare children!

4. Llandovery can't have its usual Christmas trees above the shops as health & safety won't allow people to go up ladders to put them up.

Are you still with me? Finally, we get that police will have to hand out free flip-flops to women who get themselves so drunk they can't stagger home in their stillies.

Could you make it up? Nope.
I reckon we should cancel Christmas altogether....far FAR too dangerous. I mean, we might choke on turkey bones or set fire to ourselves with candles at Midnight Mass or strain our backs putting up the Christmas tree or suffer an emotional breakdown if we don't get the presents we want.
Just Evil or Very MadShockedMadMadMad SOrry, had to sound off somewhere......

Posted at 28th Nov 2008 - 10:43AM   Posted by Exmoorjane   Cancel Christmas - far too dangerous! Comments: 17

Toady's Avatar H & S one of my favourite hobby horses. It's a wonder any of us made it past puberty.

Posted by: Toady on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:46AM

Westerwitch's Avatar Berludy heel that is ridiculous. Good grief you shouldn't be even thinking about eating turkey Jane the risk of salmonella is too high and of course we are all far too stupid to be able to cook a turkey without poisoning the family. And no way should we be wrapping presents I mean someone might get a paper cut and bleed to death. And as for Xmas trees the chance of being brutally stabbed by a pine needle is frighteningly high. Actually should we even be getting up in the morning - surely us human beings are way to stupid to be out from under the bed sheets on any day ever without a daily risk assessment.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:49AM

Crystal Jigsaw's Avatar I could say 'unbelievable' but I won't. The country's gone mad Mad

I know it's got nothing to do with it but a sports centre in my area has banned floats for children to learn to swim because they say they are unhygenic. And our kids from school aren't allowed to wear goggles anymore (even though Amy is allowed because the clorine irritates her eyes).

So I'll just say - "believable"

Posted by: Crystal Jigsaw on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:49AM

Crystal Jigsaw's Avatar And what about the bed bugs? Should we even be going to bed at all Rolling Eyes

Posted by: Crystal Jigsaw on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:50AM

Westerwitch's Avatar PUBERTY Toady how on earth did you get that far . . . and who is allowing people to get pregnant now if ever there was an occupation that is dangerous getting pregnant is it . . . nope cancel pregnancy all us females are far too stupid to be able to carry out a successful pregnancy.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:51AM

Unpeuloufoque's Avatar Ah so good to se England has nt changed after al these years..still as fun loving and adventurious as ever!Laughing

Posted by: Unpeuloufoque on 28th Nov 2008 at 10:52AM

Blossomcottage's Avatar Linked Image
Now look what you have done.....he will use any excuse not to work one day a year!!BlinkBlinkBlinkBlink

Posted by: Blossomcottage on 28th Nov 2008 at 11:02AM

Exmoorjane's Avatar Hey, reckon he's a heavily disguised drunken slattern? Aren't those flip-flops??

Posted by: Exmoorjane on 28th Nov 2008 at 11:03AM

Westerwitch's Avatar Eeeeeek bed bugs . . . never thought of that - can't go to bed - shouldn't be allowed to get up . . . HELP . . .

Yup those are flip flops - reckon he lost his stillies then?

Posted by: Westerwitch on 28th Nov 2008 at 11:51AM

Elizabethd's Avatar When I think of all the ironing I have to do....maybe it's better to leave it. I might get burned?

Posted by: Elizabethd on 28th Nov 2008 at 12:42PM

Exmoorjane's Avatar Good point ED......My garden's a mess but really, the thorns, the dirt! Cooking lunch? Might burn myself. Better get down the pub then and let someone take on the danger instead....Very Happy

Posted by: Exmoorjane on 28th Nov 2008 at 12:52PM

Angel's Avatar The worst health and safety I heard about was that my Nan was not allowed to go to eldests nativity play a few years ago as the hall would be too crowded and her wheelchair was a hazard, especially if we had to evacuate quickly...

You can imagine what I said to the headmaster...But he stuck to his guns-said it was education/council policy with health and safety. Looking back I should have pursued it as discrimination!


Posted by: Angel on 28th Nov 2008 at 01:27PM

Ivy's Avatar I love the idea bout the flip flops!Smile

Posted by: Ivy on 28th Nov 2008 at 01:30PM

SallysChateau's Avatar you reading times online too, about the flip flops, how do you qualify ?Laughing would have thought that staggering about in minus temps and risking frostbite would sober those overfreshed anyway without spending 30,000 pounds (may need to nip back and check that fact)

Posted by: SallysChateau on 28th Nov 2008 at 02:49PM

Exmoorjane's Avatar I was wondering about the practical logic of the in you can't wear flipflops (comfortably) with tights. Then I realised they probably weren't WEARING tights with their stillies.
Down in Devon then Toady, go steady!

Posted by: Exmoorjane on 28th Nov 2008 at 03:13PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Then again trying to walk in flip flops when you are drunk can't be that easy . . . I mean good grief they might slip off and trip you up and you could break a nail - haven't they heard of health and safety.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 28th Nov 2008 at 03:40PM

Fennie's Avatar You couldn't make it up, could you? Meanwhile 15 Social Workers in Lanarkshire are sacked or reprimanded over a joke in poor taste, while no one is reprimanded in the Baby P case.

Posted by: Fennie on 28th Nov 2008 at 09:03PM

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