Cowart's Common Room

i'm putting this here so that you are under no illusion where I stand on this.

Yonks ago I pestered you until you came back onto the site and was delighted when you did. Since then you have been one of the most helpful, thoughtful and well -informed membes on the site and have been so generous in your time and expertise. The list below should be enough to cinvince you that you are a highly valued member of the site.

I know you are close to Miss P and your loyalty does you credit, but I am sure she would not ask you to do this on her behalf. I also realise that you are probably cross with evryone and feel Miss P has been badly treated. You dont have to leave to make that point. As I said to her in my post yesterday, there is no need for her to leave in any case: she just needs to take this stuff, and herself, a little less seriously. If Miss P decides to return I will be the first to welcome her back.

I fully understand why you think you must do this but I believe you are wrong to think that way.

I am certainly not alone in hopng that you will reconsider and that Miss P will urge you to return, rather than to throw away something you obviously enjoy on her behalf.

Posted at 24th Apr 2008 - 09:15AM   Posted by Grouse   DONT GO ZOE!!!!! Comments: 20

Muddyboots's Avatar very well put Grouse! Please reconsider Zoe.xx

Posted by: Muddyboots on 24th Apr 2008 at 09:42AM

Pipany's Avatar Have pm'd you Zoe - I so hope you will reconsider and I think Grouse made a very sound point about Miss P; I am sure she would not want her friend to leave on her behalf. xxx

Posted by: Pipany on 24th Apr 2008 at 09:44AM

Blossomcottage's Avatar I am with Grouse on this one, I understand your loyalty but you must not loose out yourself you have so many friends here and as I said on the other Zoe post


Posted by: Blossomcottage on 24th Apr 2008 at 09:46AM

Faith's Avatar I agree with you Grouse that Zoe should not feel she has to leave - but that is her decision. As it was Miss P's decision not to accept WW's hand of friendship. I hope Zoe's does not feel that Miss P was badly treated because she wasn't. She was very fairly treated.

Posted by: Faith on 24th Apr 2008 at 09:50AM

Elizabethm's Avatar Thanks for putting this up Grouse, you say it so well and I with you 100%. I know I posted last night but I will say again: the site would be so much poorer without you Zoe. I would be gutted if you left. You bring so much here. I really hope you can reconsider (and I respect your reasons for considering going) - do stay.

Posted by: Elizabethm on 24th Apr 2008 at 09:51AM

Inthemud's Avatar I'm a bit out of the loop and do not know what has occurred.

But Zoe Please don't go, you are such a asset to the site, your plant knowledge is superb and you're such a wonderful person. Please reconsider.

Posted by: Inthemud on 24th Apr 2008 at 10:03AM

I haven't changed my mind.

I think what happened here yesterday was totally wrong.

A Kangeroo court.

The injustice, partiallity and inequity upset me greatly, and it is not something I wish to be part of or associated with.

I no longer wish to be part of a morally bankrupt system where the bullies are empowered to behave as they chose but those that stand up to them are threatened and dealt with in what I consider an appalling way.

Penny in my opinion was one of the good people here, her only crime was to retaliate when others started stirring and being unpleasant to her.

If you truly think the way Miss P was treated yesterday is fair, you are sorely deluded and in my opinion it is just another indication of how unjust the system is here.

I have had plenty of experience of how the bullies are allowed to get away with being rude or unpleasant here myself - I complained about it and was told to ignore it, or that it was 'just their way of expressing themselves'. Penny behaved the same way and what happens she gets binned without a fair hearing.

She is in the UK on Holiday for goodness sake looking after her Grandson, how many of you would want to get embroiled in a trial by peers she was subjected to yesterday when your supposed be on holiday having fun? It was obvious from all the posts she wasnt going to get a fair hearing.

If you are honest, NONE of you would have replied whilst that was going on. It was a lynching mob.

I have made up my mind, and I hope those of you who were involved in this yesterday are ashamed of yourselves - you KNOW who you are.


Posted by: ZoŽ on 24th Apr 2008 at 10:09AM

Blossomcottage's Avatar I am sure then if that is what you really feel then you should do as you have decided we each make our decisions and as I said to Miss P we are all responsible for our own actions, I don't beleive there is a mean thought or deed here, as for replying to Miss P surely that is what she wanted if not why on earth put up such an inflammatory post in the first place.
I am so sad that you think that such a kind and supportive site, is a lynch mob.
Take care enjoy your beautiful plants and garden and I hope you find in another site what you are looking for.

Posted by: Blossomcottage on 24th Apr 2008 at 10:24AM

Faith's Avatar I'm sure you speak for many of us Blossom - certainly me.

I'm sorry you feel that way Zoe, I really am.


Posted by: Faith on 24th Apr 2008 at 10:31AM

Suffolkmum's Avatar OK I'm not sure if you're still around Zoe, and maybe this should all just be left to settle now, but I am curious to know where you think the bullying is coming from. It feels like this may be an appropriate time to hang out our dirty washing and get things cleared up.How you feel Miss P was treated yesterday is one thing and I respect your loyalty - but the only intimidation I ever saw on this forum from was her. It's clearly not us all being deluded, for isn't this all a re-run from what happened over at CL? I simply don't agree that her only crime was to stand up to people - she jumped on Faith every time she opened her mouth - I won't call it bullying because Faith was able to deal with it - but what she saw as 'plain speaking' -(which can be as admirable quality in 'real' life') just doesn't work online and is agressive and intimidating.

You are of course entitled to come and go as you please, and you've done so before, but if you don't come back then I'm sorry it's on such sour terms. Good luck with your gardening and everything else and thanks for all the advice and support you have offered many people, including me.

Posted by: Suffolkmum on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:08AM

There are none so blind as those that will not see.

I have nothing more to say.


Wish you all well.

Posted by: ZoŽ on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:16AM

Patsy's Avatar I absolutely agree with you Blossom. I've been watching this from a distance, not knowing the details thinking perhaps I've missed something. But I see no sign of bullying in yesterday's posts . Instead measured, calm and diplomatic posts especially from WW who tries so hard (and succeeds) in being fair and open- handed to all members.
On this site there is a much bigger chance of being purple hugged to death than bullied!Smile

Posted by: Patsy on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:18AM

Milla's Avatar GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS (chaps wisely keeping out of all this I see) just WHAT is going on!!

Yes, I've trawled through yesterday's common room post about Miss P and ditto in the private forum and the small wise sliver inside of me says ďdon't go a tapping on that keyboard, Milla... ď
But how can I not?
PurpleCoo has been such fun for so many of us for much of the time that I have to roll up my sleeves and join what could be seen as the fray. One has to be part of things in good times as well as bad, (sickness and in health et al) tempting as it might be not to appear part of the problem by daring to voice an opinion. This is not joining a lynch mob. How could it be, we are all at keyboards separated by miles, by oceans, by time zones but joined by some sort of communality nonetheless.

To speak frankly, I think Z, that you are being disingenuous about Miss P and her effect on the site. If she is "one of the good people" then that suggests that others are not. I'm hoping (selfishly, panickingly, needily) from your PMs in the past that I am not in your bad books, and if I'M not a baddie with my Sell The Dog suggestions and frivolous yawning at anything too serious, then who on earth of all these lovely members could possibly be? Try as hard as I can to vilify each in turn, and turn them into baddies by seeing them with other eyes, I can't. I feel honoured to be one of their number and proud to be a purplecooer.

Your point about Miss P being on holiday is well taken but, as WW has pointed out, she was still logging on and commenting all over the place and in a time of turmoil this can be taken as a direct refusal to discuss with WW whose "job" it is not to let this site become corrupted, to protect the majority over the whims of the few. Maybe you think that she (and the other mods, it was a joint decision) over-reacted, but with Miss P refusing to meet part way or enter into any discussion while still larking about like a loose cannon, then she/they was/were left in a tricky position.
WW is not one to let things drift.
Wisely, so, I reckon because although things often blow over, and a bit of distance is a marvellous healer, sometimes they don't and it's harder to get back on track from a further-immired position. Hope this makes sense?

With the Exit Pursued by A Chainsaw of OnceInABlueMoon, Miss P was as near as it got to pushing the boundaries beyond the unspoken norm.
For me personally, it wasn't a problem. I can give as good as I get. No bones were broken. Can anyone REALLY, hand on heart, have been REALLY offended??? And can offence taken at such a level really matter?? When there are suicide bombers and starvation and civil war rampant around the world, I would hope that we were all adult enough and robust enough to cope with a little sniping. I think a site of 100+ members all nodding and agreeing isn't going to last and would pretty soon become pretty dull. We need all sorts, we need texture and variety and different qualities / opinions / moods / outlooks.
But if those differences include small leakages of poison, then this can prove very damaging, and in civilised parts of the world, civilised behaviour has to be paramount and rules, whether unspoken or not, petty or not, must surely be followed for the collective good. A good beyond what I or you or someone else might individually want or consider necessary but a concept of acceptable behaviour to which it is right to wish to adhere. (Guess who never made Head GirlÖ)

Miss P proved from her Day in the Life what an interesting life she has led, what a "goer" she is and I admired it terrifically.
Where I personally struggled with Miss P was in not being to "read" her.

For a while, I noticed a certain snippiness aimed at me (well, I would notice the ones aimed at me more, but certainly I was not the lone target). Indeed people would PM me offering "support" or joking that she had gone on holiday and it was safe to come out. I stress that none of those PMs could not have been posted on the common room page, they just reflected an element of the personal which is easier to send to the person concerned than to the world at random. So there was no suggestion of ganging up, no snideness, no element of Us and Her. Just an avoidance of war in the common room, a friendly hand to one who might have taken umbrage, and that is the spirit in which I took them.
Then it seemed like an initiation period had maybe been passed and I was accepted by her (this may all, I know, be purely in my head, but she did send a nice PM which I greatly appreciated) and since then she has been great.

Then there was the Am I Bovvered stuff, which possibly came across far more aggressively than she intended. At least I am hoping that that is so, but I can be a little Pollyanna sometimes. What might have been a throw away remark designed to inject a little levity into an interesting discussion was perhaps mis-read by some of us. And what Miss P does not do is climb down. Which is fine in a larger ďcommunityĒ where one can be slightly more lost, but more difficult in a smaller one.

All this just exposes the dangers of the written word and the power of the phrase without the back up of a human face from which one can instinctively "read" the intent.
None of us wants to be goody goodies on tip toe, too precious, too phoney, trumping each other in who can be the nicest, the kindest, the most understanding (hmmm, none trophies which I would win, grrrr) and similarly we have to allow a little laxity in the reading of others and not look for trouble where there really isnít any, or where thereís no point in trying to create some. Life is surely far too short.
Sometimes I am typing while distracted and itís easy for a point not to be made with due clarity. But then they are points fired off to a forum and one need not have to polish and hone.

Z, I wish you wouldnít go.
Since I have travelled this far down this bossy road I might as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb, and say that I think that you are being touchy. I thought the same with regard to the comment that Cait made in the religious thread but didnít join in there as had not been part of the discussion and it was not my place to do so. But here, now, I will say that that struck me as most surprising over-reaction and I supposed that you must just be feeling rotten generally and it wasnít really ďyouĒ. We can all be Princesses of Hurt, but in the end if it damages us more to wallow in it then ainít that a shame. You are a popular and high-value member of the site and must just recognise that, old girl.

Leaving PurpleCoo which you have clearly enjoyed in pursuit of sticking up for someone who possibly you donít even know (forgive me if you ARE actual friends) seems too high a price to pay for speaking your mind. You can say what you mean without flouncing off. It is cutting off your nose to spite your face. We will miss you. Your plants, your erudition, that you ride to the rescue with facts and answers makes you far too valuable to lose. The loss will be ours and I am sure it will be yours.
Go on, reconsider. I hope I know you want to. Weíll miss you.
Time for a little lie down and counting of teeth.
A prize to anyone whoís finished this.
PS - have just seen your "none so blind" comment - what ARE you talking about?!?!?BlinkBlink

Posted by: Milla on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:18AM

I am staggered to see the way this has all blown up.
I don't think any of it was necesary. We all have our opinions and there was never going to be a consensus on this matter-and quite why it has escalated to these proportions is baffling.

Certainly I find the claims of a lynching mob proposterous!
I don't think I have ever witnessed any unpleasantness by the people on this site. On the contrary they are always so thoughtful, considerate and supportive.

I didn't like some of barbed or curt comments Miss P made to some of the posts. But we are all different and so I chose not to involve myself in those posts. Miss P was entitled to her opinions and thoughts, the same as you.

So I'm sorry you feel the way you do Zoe-you will be missed by some on the site.

best wishes to you.

Posted by: Country Craft Angel on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:20AM

Toady's Avatar Zoe I'm so sorry to hear the interpretation you have put on this and I admire your loyalty but I do fear that even on such a friendly site as this we do need some sort of sanction. We have lost quite a few people and I don't want to lose you too. It's clear that MP has upset some people and who knows if the 'drop outs' were offended by somebody and just couldn't be bothered with the hassle of doing anything about it.

There are all sorts here and we're the better for it but some skins are not as thick as others.
It's good to get things out in the open and I do hope you'll reconsider.


Posted by: Toady on 24th Apr 2008 at 11:26AM

Muddyboots's Avatar this is really blowing up out of all proportion. Miss P has gone, fine lets move on. Zoe is / has gone........ what on earth are we all playing at? Milla, can l say excellently put, took the words right out of my mouth. I am horrified at the thought of being termed a member of a lynch mob. l too do not like the use of barbed comments, though admittedly l do let them pass over my head and as for the alleged bullying - well it is now becoming fascicle.

Can l make a plea, not being the bossy sort, well not all the time, can we please move on. Surely this is now yesterday's news, there are more important and interesting things happening like joining sally for a glass of something red by the pool?

Posted by: Muddyboots on 24th Apr 2008 at 12:10PM

Gold star for Milla, please. That is probably one of the most balanced and erudite comments seen on this site, let alone over this whole sorry affair.

Posted by: @themill on 24th Apr 2008 at 01:34PM

Pondside's Avatar Amen. (with swelling basso profundo and soaring grace notes)

Posted by: Pondside on 24th Apr 2008 at 03:50PM

Pondside's Avatar I wasn't going to add anything further to this - and then I read Blossom's posting about a deafening silence, and thought that I should weigh in. I wouldn't want my silence to be misconstrued - it's a by-product of the time difference, as I come to the posts long after all has been said and done.
I don't believe that there was a witch hunt. All is there for anyone to see. I never saw any bullying - and that is said from a perspective of a big time difference, so that I read postings like a long narrative or a story, sometimes. What I did see was one member, Miss P, who seemed to be requiring a lot of tip-toeing around. For whatever reasons, she had a need to correct or take offence, so that other members were apologizing or just staying away from commenting after her. That's the way I felt and that's what I saw.
Zoe your blogs are lovely to read. You seemed to enjoy this site and really contributed to it. If your decision is to go, that's too bad, but only you can make up your mind. I have to say that I don't agree with anything that you've said in your post - it goes against everything I've seen and felt here.

Posted by: Pondside on 24th Apr 2008 at 04:04PM

Westerwitch's Avatar ZoŽ I haven't removed you name from the site. You then have the choice to come back if you want too.

I would like you to read my comment in the forum and understand that I did not make a decision in isolation and that it has taken many weeks to reach the point where the final act had to be taken.

I am disappointed though that you have such a low opinion of me, I thought you knew me better than that.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 24th Apr 2008 at 04:19PM

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