Cowart's Common Room

Dear Ms Witch

It has been brought to my attention, bya person or persons whose identities I am not at liberty to disclose, that there were potentially unauthorised activities taking place on your site's premises overnight 20th/21st April 2008.

As I am lead to understand, these activities included, but are not limited to, the following:

Loud music
Consumption of alcohol
Abandonment/destruction of undergarments
Unrequested use of a mowing machine
The illicit production of turnip-based alcohol
The presence of animals, domesticated and/or otherwise
The inebriation and unauthorised usage of members of the Fire Services
The inebriation and unauthorised usage of members of the Life Boat services
The importation of irregular quantities of chocolate, viz a "chocolate fountain", and the excessive consumption of same
A number of guests far exceeding the site's nominal capacity
Inappropriate use of a chainsaw

This behaviour, I further understand, continued well into the early hours of 21st April, with the late arrival of foreign 'guests', who may or may not have been entitled to remain for periods of short or long term residence in this domain.

It is to be hoped that there is, or will be, a reasonable and acceptable explanation for all that which is heretofore outlined, and I would be grateful if you could formulate a reply at the earliest possible instant. It must be said that there remains, or might remain, the possiblility of sanction and/or other punitive outcome, if, in the fullness of time, this reported outrage is not clarified.

In the anticipation of your soonest response, I remain, Ms Witch, your humble servant.

etc etc

Posted at 21st Apr 2008 - 01:17PM   Posted by Tech support   Complaint Comments: 15

Westerwitch's Avatar Hi there humble servant . . . yes of course there is reasonable and acceptable explanation of the heretofore outlined . . .


Now do shove off there's a dear chap - you are making the place look untidy . . . .

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Apr 2008 at 01:22PM

Cait's Avatar I thought we'd been rumbled for a moment.
Has he gone?
And you didn't even wield your chainsaw?

Posted by: Cait on 21st Apr 2008 at 01:38PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Yeah I did - just not all the time . . . if you look down the drive he's the cloud of flies weaving about . . .he . . . er . . .um . . .had an accident involving several purple cow pats . . . . tries to look innocent

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Apr 2008 at 01:41PM

Toady's Avatar How do you spell sprttttbbbrrrt.
ie blowing a big rasping raspberry.Very HappyVery HappyVery Happy

Posted by: Toady on 21st Apr 2008 at 02:13PM

Jackofall's Avatar I don't know, interfering, narrow-minded licklespits - whatever next? The Min of Ag investigating coloured cows?

So you gave him a pat on the head, WW, well done.

Posted by: Jackofall on 21st Apr 2008 at 02:15PM

Milla's Avatar Sorry for being a party pooper. Was in recovery from the night before. I was with you in spirit, but in a lying on the sofa sort of a way.

Posted by: Milla on 21st Apr 2008 at 02:37PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Yup pat on the head . . .and the back . . and his bum . . .and all down his front . . .phoooaaaarrr he didn't arf pong . . .

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Apr 2008 at 02:41PM

Pondside's Avatar Talk to my immigration lawyer - what do you mean May not Have been Entitled??? I've got my rights, I demand not to go to an asylum....WW.........HELP!!!!

Posted by: Pondside on 21st Apr 2008 at 02:50PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Good grief Pondside calm down the man has gone and he won't be back . . .it will take him ages to wash the pooooooo out of his mouth anyway.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Apr 2008 at 03:21PM

Elizabethd's Avatar I'll chip in to pay the Bail...if they let you out WW.

Posted by: Elizabethd on 21st Apr 2008 at 03:52PM

Exmoorjane's Avatar C'mon, where's the problem....we have a veritable pack of badly behaved terriers to set on this kind of chap....unleash the dogs of war, what?! (said in gruff brigadier type tone).

Posted by: Exmoorjane on 21st Apr 2008 at 04:18PM

Tech support's Avatar Dear Ms Jane

I would not like to have to add, in addition, the presence of "badly behaved terriers" and threats of physical and bodily violence to the growing list of complaints, which now includes, but not exclusively, an assault with, and by, several cow's droppings (or even, possibly, the droppings of several cows) at various stages of dryness, as well as menaces from someone named Trevor, whom I was unfortunately unable to see, due to the presence of aforesaid droppings, in order to identify at some later occasion.

Yours respectfully

etc etc

Posted by: Tech support on 21st Apr 2008 at 05:12PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Gawd he does go on doesn't it . . . .Toady is the Still, still empty . . . there should be enough room shouldn't there . . . just for a bit . . .until he's cooled off . . .mind you he really does pong.

Oi Mate We're going to sue you for coming to our property with the intent of ponging . . .

Posted by: Westerwitch on 21st Apr 2008 at 05:15PM

Withy Brook's Avatar And where is the whatever it is called English, anyway?

Posted by: Withy Brook on 21st Apr 2008 at 08:54PM

Frances's Avatar Remember, that was just our first anniversary. Tech support, you might want an invite to the next party ....? Only 364/3 days to go.


Posted by: Frances on 22nd Apr 2008 at 02:28AM

Please login to comment

Sorry you must be logged in to post a comment