Cowart's Common Room
Help - suitable words please

My great-niece/god-daughter is 18 in a few days time. Unfortunately the big family meal celebration planned for ages has had to be cancelled as her father (the poor man) has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and has rapidly become very ill and a shadow of his former self. He probably doesnt have that long (it's tragic, he's only 50). I want to send my god-daughter a card and have bought one that is pastel and pretty and doesnt have all those wild 'party, party, drink legally' type things on it, and the words just say 'have a lovely day'. I don't know what to write myself though - how can she have a lovely day this weekend when she was told her father is dying on Monday? Is it appropriate to mention her father....? but how can I not......?

Please reply.

Faith x

Posted at 2nd Apr 2008 - 08:17AM   Posted by Faith   Help - suitable words please Comments: 15

Elizabethd's Avatar I think maybe I would write something that is particular to her, maybe recalling memories of her childhood, or a comment on her growing up, or even something nice about her character.
She knows how ill her father is I imagine, maybe best not to emphasise it?

Posted by: Elizabethd on 2nd Apr 2008 at 08:54AM

Unpeuloufoque's Avatar I am so sorry to hear the news about your Father and know this is a a very sad time for you . You may not feel as if you should be celebrating your birthday at all but do try and enjoy the time you have with your Father and remember all the other birthdays. I promsie you it will get easier....

Oh Faith its a very hard call. ow well do you know her ? Are you close ? If so then I am sure you can think of a better way to say it than me but I do htink its important to mention it and not pretend it isnt happenning as for her it may well feel like the end of the world.

Poor thing. Say a prayer for her and make sure you are there for her. Which I am sure you will be.

Posted by: Unpeuloufoque on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:04AM

Faith's Avatar Nice thoughts Elizabeth and Unpeu. I don't know her that well if you know what i mean - she is my god-daughter but I don't know her inner thoughts of anything.

Posted by: Faith on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:07AM

Fennie's Avatar I think Un Peu has struck just the right tone.

Posted by: Fennie on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:13AM

Crystal Jigsaw's Avatar What a terrible situation for your god-daughter, Faith. So young to lose a parent. I think personally, I wouldn't mention her father at all. The card is for her and you could be the one to take her mind off this terrible time, if only for a few minutes.

Best wishes, Crystal xx

Posted by: Crystal Jigsaw on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:30AM

Westerwitch's Avatar I would send her the card wishing her something positive and put a letter in it acknowledging her father's illness. When I lost my Mother at 15 I didn't want to talk about it very much, I just needed to know that people knew and I could cope with that and then I wanted the other bits of my life as normal as possible. She needs a birthday day card that is for her and not about the illness and separate from the tragedy so that she can look back in time with positive memories, because even when someone is dying there are good memories there that once the grieving has been gone through you are free to remember. In your god-daughter's case her Dad is still alive and they will be together on her 18 birthday. The letter is then a separate thing that deals with the cancer and the acknowledgment and can offer support and the hope that she will indeed get through the grief..

Posted by: Westerwitch on 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:12AM

agree with WW's comments above, I think keeping the two things is separate is important.

She is a lucky girl to have a Godmother who is caring and sensitive to her needs.

Posted by: ZoŽ on 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:22AM

Pipany's Avatar How very sad and terrible for her. I can't add much to all the comments above Faith as they say it all xx

Posted by: Pipany on 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:31AM

Lampworkbeader's Avatar I think WW has got it about right. What a sad time.

Posted by: Lampworkbeader on 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:50AM

Camilla's Avatar That is so terribly sad for your niece/god-daughter. All the comments here have said what I wanted to say. A blessed girl to have such a caring Gogmother as you dear Faith.


Posted by: Camilla on 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:12AM

Faith's Avatar Yes, I will do what you say WW - send the card, and a separate little letter inside. Thanks everyone.

Posted by: Faith on 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:33AM

Ivy's Avatar Why not just tell her that you are there for her when she wants to talk and that you love her. Maybe an Irish blessing on the other side? It will be on her mind anyway that her time with her Dad is very limited but maybe she can make the best of it anyway?

Posted by: Ivy on 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:36AM

How sad for her Faith. I love UPL's/WW sentiments and agree I think that's how I would proceed. Sadly the subject can't be avoided and you are good with words, so it's appropriate to put a little note inside.
Go on. It will be fine.


Posted by: Country Craft Angel on 2nd Apr 2008 at 03:00PM

KittyB's Avatar So very sad - how awful for you all. I would too send a note with the card, telling her how proud you are to be her Godmother, and how it is such a difficult time for her but she has the love and support of her family and you to help her if she needs it.

Posted by: KittyB on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:06PM

Withy Brook's Avatar Un Peu and WW have got it between them, in my opinion.
I have been playing with the idea of trying somehow to say that you hope she will be able to have some happy time with sick Dad on the day, that she will be able to remember in the future, but can't think how one would put it. Dad would want that too, wouldn't he?

Posted by: Withy Brook on 2nd Apr 2008 at 09:49PM

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