Cowart's Common Room
Battered and Bruised

I need a bit of purple ointment I think. I might have mentioned we spent hours and hours preparing a consignment of labels a week or two before going to stay with Rosie at the Mill. That consignment of 50 rolls, each of which takes a good ten minutes to reel, was stolen from the UPS depot by a gang of criminals (well they stole the whole lorry I gather), so we have to do it all again.
Wondering where we are going to find another 10 hours or so I remember we have in the loft an old tape deck and wonder whether this could be adapted to make a re-reeling machine. I climb the rickety step ladder and retrieve the tape deck which weighs a ton. I haul it out through the trap door but then it is free and I feel the ladder sliding. I can't drop the tape deck so struggle to lodge it on top of the wardrobe. This pushes the ladder past the point of irretrievability.
I feel myself falling. Everything happens in slow motion. There's a tremendous crash and thump: I land on my back and feel broken in half. Gingerly, I try to waggle my toes. To my surprise they work and then I think I might breathe more easily if I turn myself round. To my even greater surprise I can do this too. In fact - almost disappointingly - the only real damage I can report is a broken nail. Still I do feel terribly bruised around the lumbar regions. Bit like Pooh Bear really, shot out of the sky on his balloon. The tape deck though is in fine working order. But how do you turn a tape spindle into something to hold a 44mm cardboard core? I am trying plastic padding and a top from a tin of aerosol shoe cleaner, but I have a feeling it's not going to work.

Posted at 25th Sep 2010 - 03:55PM   Posted by Fennie   Battered and Bruised Comments: 18

Arosebyanyothername's Avatar Glad to hear that you are not permantently injured - nothing that shows, that is!
But this is a classic. The casualty departments are full of folk like you.
My advice (unwanted probably) is:
Get a proper loft ladder that doesn't slip.
Get a label winder
Get a tube of embrocation - purple if possible.
Glad also that you arrived home safely.
The French brothers arrived and then one of them drove off at six this morning leaving the other one behind and hasn't been seen since!

Posted by: Arosebyanyothername on 25th Sep 2010 at 04:30PM

Westerwitch's Avatar Good grief and I bet your vest came all untucked. BE CAREFUL . . .tsk. what a burger that the labels got stolen . . . Hope you can adapt the spindle on the tape deck . . .can't offer any bright idea. . . .y

Posted by: Westerwitch on 25th Sep 2010 at 04:38PM

Preseli Mags's Avatar Eeek Fennie! Big sympathy all round. What a complete b****rosity. Any chance the original rolls might turn up? Awful gangs of criminals to nick the lorry. They end up being dismantled on farms in rural areas (there was one round here a few years back - articulated lorries in bits). How annoying to have to do the whole lot again.

Posted by: Preseli Mags on 25th Sep 2010 at 05:07PM

Preseli Mags's Avatar Ooh look stars! I forgot it won't let me write b****r!

Posted by: Preseli Mags on 25th Sep 2010 at 05:08PM

Ouch!! Fennie. Glad you are here to tell the tale though!

Arnica, pillules and cream will help lots - give them ago alongside any other analgesia ur are taking.

Heal soon x.

Posted by: Zoe on 25th Sep 2010 at 06:55PM

Cait's Avatar You poor thing Fennie. Lots of arnica cream and a drop of the amber nectar needed tonight I think.

Posted by: Cait on 25th Sep 2010 at 08:21PM

Fennie's Avatar Thanks to everyone except Rosie for your sympathy and to Rosie I say thanks for your unsympathy. It was indeed my own fault and I should not have disclosed it. I stand corrected. I had a glass of malt whisky. The best analgesic of all. And the back is loosening up. At least it loosened up enough to go to Waitrose. It's the lower back, below where the rubs stop and the bottom begins. Quite a narrow region and largely unexplored. Where the chiropracter at the Frome festival said I had lumbar vertebrae out of alignment tilting my pelvis, first this way and that. Maybe my great experiment with Newtonian laws of gravity has realigned them: or maybe not. Whatever - the fall has certainly changed my writing style making me write like Samuel Beckett. The absurdity of falling out of a loft and on to a vacuum cleaner. I might have been a cobweb. Or a piece of dust. Still thanks again for the sympathy (and unsympathy) and let me just say that the merest thought of a casualty department is quite enough to terrify me into restored health.

Posted by: Fennie on 25th Sep 2010 at 09:09PM

Silverhead's Avatar Have a lovely hot bath with lots of scented candles and a lovely glass of wine, or Malt ( Laphroig is good). Sorry about all your problems and thinking about you but the main thing is to just stop for a while and pamper yourself. Hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: Silverhead on 25th Sep 2010 at 09:29PM

Salle de Bain's Avatar Oh dear Fennie...sorry to hear you landed without a parachute on your vacuum cleaner. Some good advice here baths and arnica sounds good to me. I use heated wheat bags when I have back pain, yet the other day I read somewhere that cold is better than heat...don't know what to believe these many different theories around Rolling Eyes heat always works for me though.

Your label winding invention sounds ingenious. It reminds me of when I had miles of electric fence tape to reel in... I spent ages thinking of a way to do such a laborious job quickly. Eventually I came up with the garden hose spool idea...those ones with a rewind handle. It worked a treat, but now the hose is sprawled all over the yard! Sorry..that's not helpful at all. Hope the tape deck annoying.

Posted by: Salle de Bain on 25th Sep 2010 at 09:41PM

Tiggywinkle's Avatar Ouch, That was nasty, Fennie. You were very lucky not to have broken something, not to mention the hassle of having to re-do the order. Plenty of good advice here. I must remember to add "don't get up on a ladder" to Tigger's list of instructions while I'm away. It is the sort of thing he would do!

Posted by: Tiggywinkle on 26th Sep 2010 at 12:14AM

Pondside's Avatar Oh Fennie - I read your two posts from the top down. First the one regarding the interior, so I was full of admiration for your ability to turn a phrase, create atmosphere. I went straight from that admiration to sympathy (pity, even!) at the thought of how bad you're going to feel in the morning.
Big sympathy!!

Posted by: Pondside on 26th Sep 2010 at 01:06AM

Camilla's Avatar Oh Fennie, poor you, so sorry to hear about your fall, hope you have taken the arnica which is good, and don't forget a very large double brandy.! Hope you will soon be feeling much better and not so sore.

Posted by: Camilla on 26th Sep 2010 at 02:10AM

Frances's Avatar Fennie, at first I thought that your rapid descent occured at the Mill. I guess that I and even you might be relieved that it did occur at home.

Hoping that all those labels get sorted out and that those lorry thieves will be caught and forced to roll labels into eternity.

Malt whiskey as a medical aid is not to be underestimated. I always keep a bit on hand, just in case.

Best wishes to you on your inventiveness, and for your total recovery. xo

Posted by: Frances on 26th Sep 2010 at 03:51AM

Late as usual to this. I seem to miss a couple of days on here and then it all happens... and I struggle to catch up.
So sorry to read this and hope you are getting better. Please get it checked if you have any tigling or numbness in any extrenities - arms/legs/fingers toes as there are lots of nerves in that area.
It sounds just the sort of thing that would happen to me, I am covered in bruises all the time mostly from the animals. Our attics have stairs so at least I am safer there.
The labels... well hoping the tape deck works and hoping the police find the deliveries..
Look after yourself...... x

Posted by: Arcadian advocate on 26th Sep 2010 at 04:18AM

Mountainear's Avatar Ouch! poor you. Lucky you weren't seriously hurt. Hear-hear to all Rosie says.

Could you adapt a power drill and use it on a very slow speed? We've used ours in the past to unwind things - admitedly wire which can be hooked on and then turned..

Posted by: Mountainear on 26th Sep 2010 at 12:15PM

Ivy's Avatar How is your backside today? Did you get the labels ready in time? Poor soul I hope you had a great bottle of arnica handy . If not NOW is the time to get one. Well not on a Sunday I suppose but Monday isn't too early.

Posted by: Ivy on 26th Sep 2010 at 01:21PM

Fennie's Avatar I am healing, slowly but thanks for all the suggestions.

Posted by: Fennie on 26th Sep 2010 at 06:52PM

ChrisH's Avatar Hello Fennie, so sorry to be late to this - I do hope that your various aches and pains are on the mend. Berludy hell you had a lucky escape! Wretched, wretched thieves to have caused you so much agg.

Posted by: ChrisH on 27th Sep 2010 at 11:26AM

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