Cowart's Common Room
Governmentium

Researchers at Oxford have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. Governmentium (symbol Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert, though it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

The mass of Governmentium increases over time since each reorganisation causes more morons to become neutrons thus forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. They refer to this hypothetical quantity as a morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

Posted at 3rd Sep 2010 - 04:59PM   Posted by Fennie   Governmentium Comments: 5

Re:
Toady's Avatar Very HappyVery HappyVery HappyVery Happy

Posted by: Toady on 3rd Sep 2010 at 05:32PM

Re:
Withy Brook's Avatar I love it! LaughingLaughingLaughing

Posted by: Withy Brook on 3rd Sep 2010 at 09:22PM

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Frances's Avatar Fennie, thank you for this bit of cheer. You've truly made me laugh, after about 11 hours at the shop where I was trying to make other folks smile.

Cheers! xo

Posted by: Frances on 4th Sep 2010 at 03:09AM

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Westerwitch's Avatar Love it - if you see this comment perhaps you could put this in the joke section so that it doesn't get lost.

Posted by: Westerwitch on 4th Sep 2010 at 11:21AM

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Dancing Dog's Avatar That's brilliant! Sad but brilliant. If you don't mind, I think I'll slightly change the numbers and wording but submit it to our local paper over here as it would be as relevant in the US as it is in the UK.

Posted by: Dancing Dog on 6th Sep 2010 at 01:17PM

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